Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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