pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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