Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Everyone says I win the strip club
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
