I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
