no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
