I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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