I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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