Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.