K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think i have two assholes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
