I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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