seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
