I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
