the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i came on her dog
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
