it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
