do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
