Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
