i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
