oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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