Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
