That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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