You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
