Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
