You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
