If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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