But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
BRING THE BAGELS
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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