I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much