Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.

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  (270): There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal. http://tfl.nu/1sv3
  Replies (26) Good night (4057) Bad night (769)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.

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  (204): I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back. http://tfl.nu/sbtj
  Replies (7) Good night (780) Bad night (5360)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

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  (309): My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do? http://tfl.nu/tx29
  Replies (46) Good night (8859) Bad night (1251)
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  (707): View more from California

  yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.

  (1-707): View more from California

  you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you

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  (707): yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her. (1-707): you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you http://tfl.nu/2wdi
  Replies (15) Good night (848) Bad night (5189)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

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  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (44) Good night (15387) Bad night (1573)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"

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  (612): I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?" http://tfl.nu/juih
  Replies (11) Good night (5919) Bad night (1550)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.

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  (336): Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy. http://tfl.nu/6oi3
  Replies (3) Good night (2854) Bad night (1031)
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  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  $1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.

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  (340): $1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end. http://tfl.nu/eqa9
  Replies (4) Good night (3684) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.

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  (970): found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night. http://tfl.nu/fgij
  Replies (1) Good night (2037) Bad night (806)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.

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  (508): I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals. http://tfl.nu/elpv
  Replies (3) Good night (2832) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.

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  (541): You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER. http://tfl.nu/wjgj
  Replies (5) Good night (1648) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.

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  (754): Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now. http://tfl.nu/vbv9
  Replies (6) Good night (1004) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.

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  (620): I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender. http://tfl.nu/s55r
  Replies (5) Good night (1572) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.

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  (516): Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram. http://tfl.nu/54ok
  Replies (2) Good night (1065) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.

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  (210): Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from. http://tfl.nu/h7wh
  Replies (0) Good night (326) Bad night (378)

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