Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.