ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
