I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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