You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
