I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
