You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
