I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
