my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
