the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
