Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
