My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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