i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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