i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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