sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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