my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
