There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cockslap morals
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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