She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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