that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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