I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
