What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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