Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
