Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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