i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
