goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
