I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
