he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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