Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
