I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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