my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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