she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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