Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
