I could have mohawked her pubes.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
