no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
