I heard we made out
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
